Indulgent Angst

This is a pretty self indulgent post so if you’re just here for the pretty picture and travel stories I’d probably give this one a miss.

I can’t sleep and am suffering from white, middle-class existential angst brought on by watching Laguna Beach (if you don’t know what Laguna Beach is please don’t Google it or you’ll know just how tragic the tv shows I’ll watch truly are). Basically, it’s a reality TV show based on American teenagers during the summer between finishing high school and starting university and it had me reminiscing about how much fun I had during that time. It also got to me because I don’t think much has changed since then.

It also makes me think about how much I miss being part of the day to day life of my family and friends. I stay in contact enough for the big picture stuff but when you’re away from the everyday you don’t feel so much apart of people’s lives. I guess I’m lonely as well – I was so spoilt at home having my closest friends and most of my family still around and now I don’t have them here to play with – I would kill to be sharing this with them. It’s selfish but it would be nice to have some unconditional’s here.

In some respects it makes me wonder what I’m doing here at all. Yes, the travel is fantastic I am glad I moved but I left so I would change things in my life and not all that much apart from location has changed. I’ve just taken a job in an industry I swore I’d never work in again because I haven’t been able to even get to an interview with a job/company I’m really interested in. Maybe I’m just too idealistic and this is reality. I guess I though 10 years out of high school my life would be different from what it is now. I’m not quite sure how different but I guess I at least thought I would have figured out what I want to be when I grow up and it’s starting to feel like it’s getting harder to change paths.

The time is already flying by and in a couple of weeks I will have been here six months. Seeing all the countries I’ve been to has been incredible but I must admit the day to day is just a blur. I have been blithely saying that I’ll probably be in London for 2-3 years, maybe France and then to Canada without really thinking about it and now I could see 3 years going by without even really noticing or actively deciding if I should stay.