Lib not in London

So I've been in Australia exactly 2 months tomorrow and I'm still waiting on my visa. Frustrating doesn't really cover it - I'm stuck in this weird limbo of it being nice to be home and seeing everyone to feeling like I'm missing out on my life in London. I've missed the start of summer, I'm missing friends leave who've helped me get through my first year, I have 1 flatmate I've never met and it will soon be 2.

I could handle the waiting if I knew the outcome was assured, but to wait all this time when there's every chance the visa won't come through seems like some sort of bizarre torture.
I feel like I'm waiting for my year 12 results - everyday I check the letterbox hoping for a big envelope and everyday I'm a little crushed when it's not there.

I really didn't realise how much I've started to love my life there until I couldn't live it anymore. All the things that I've found hard, such as not having close friends there, have become almost part of my life there and it's changed me more than I thought. I'm more independent in the sense that I'll just go an do it myself if I can't find anyone to go with me and I am far more relaxed (I think everyone I know will attest to this!).

Life here feels much the same but has changed enormously in other respects. The wedding I came home for was the first marriage of my closest girlfriends from school. Two friends have moved to Melbourne which helped cement it as my Plan B city if London doesn't work out. I looked into Ireland but the visa there is almost harder to get and more expensive! Without sounding too cliched you never really do get to come back to things the way they were before anyway, which actually makes it easier for me to head back over. Everyone else is out living their lives so I'm not going to sit out wishing things didn't change or that someone would come to London with me.

Unfortunately, I'm stuck waiting for postman like I did 10 years ago to decide what I'm going to do with my life.